
August 2005 Cover
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This guy was lying naked in Coca Tan & Tone, a tanning salon in Saginaw, Michigan. You know how vain male heterosexuals are.
That he is heterosexual is suggested by the fact that for two months he has been what heterosexuals and the
Saginaw News call "dating" a woman who, like so many,
and understandably, is "getting a divorce."
The naked narcissist, 28, and the 31-year-old proprietor of the
salon de beauté heard a noise outside. The tanner "rushed to the front door, oblivious to the fact that he forgot to
put on his clothes." Mmmmm.
He told Thomas Nord, News writer, "I ran outside naked to see what was happening to my truck. I had to run back inside and put my clothes on."
What happened to his truck was that the husband of the tanner's girl friend, evidently emasculated, had driven a front-end loader up to the salon, picked up the tanner's 1989
Chevrolet S-10 truck in its scoop, and dropped it, smashing it. You know how bitchy men are.
The tanner displayed remarkable mental health in rushing naked from the salon. It shows, as does his frank discussion of tanning in the nude with Thomas Nord, that he is more
self-confident than self-conscious and not unduly concerned about what others think of him.
His comment about the 29-year-old man who smashed his truck also shows remarkable cool and an utter self-confidence that cannot be destroyed even though his truck was. "He
has guts," the tanner said, "doing that during the daylight."
Add to that the alluring touch of decadence that lying naked under the lamps gives and it seems that a certain Saginaw woman has a boyfriend who's more fun than her husband.
By the way (and it's too late to warn the Saginaw sun lover), it's medically unsafe to expose your hose to the sun or to the tanning lamps. This valuable tool, if it is to fulfill its
promise of providing frequent feelings of ecstasy, should be covered by a little piece of cloth-- or if necessary, a big one.
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