Sex Histories	Sex Histories Archive

Excerpted from Lewd, Boyd McDonald's 12th volume of true sex histories.

New York State-- Thanks for your last letter. Following your suggestion to tell you not only about the "scores" but also about the ones that got away, here goes.

In high school, I was a kind of smart kid who played tuba in the band. Our band was really very good and we got to travel to parades and competitions in other cities. This involved staying overnight in hotels-- four guys to a room.

It was in those hotel rooms that I got my first good looks at the other guys' dicks and butts. I had a terric crush on the drum major, Joe, and whenever it was time for us to choose rooming groups I always tried to get in the same room with him.

View our poll archive

Joe was a real stud. He was 15 or so, tall and muscular and one-quarter Cherokee Indian. He nally ended up quitting band to play quarterback on the football team and later was salutatorian at the high school. He had everything-- looks, athletics, music, academics-- and most of the girls (and a lot of the guys) were wild about him.

On one of these trips, I did end up in the same room with him and I got to sleep in the bed next to him. Laying there in bed, the four of us (me, Joe, and the guys in the other bed) talked about girls and pussy and that kind of bullshit. Joe was talking and kept grabbing at his hard on to emphasize points.

I was about to die from lust and fear that everyone else would know I was queer for him.

After lights out, I waited for Joe to fall asleep and slowly, slowly moved closer to him until my leg was touching his. That was enough to make me come-- just the thought of touching him. I wasn't brave enough to do more with him but with some of the other guys the homo horseplay went further

Mike was a drummer in the band and a year younger than me, but he was bigger and really husky. When I was about 15 and he was 14, we were in the same room in Gadsden, Alabama, and Mike was talking about some girl he had fucked and how horny he was.

He was walking around the room naked and came beside the bed where I was lying and said, "If you give me a blow job, I'll jack you off." He was really serious and his dick was just about in my face. I really wanted to suck him (and still do) but the other guys were there in the room and I was afraid of what they might think.

I said, "No, if I suck you, you've got to suck me too." He didn't go for that. (Nowadays I don't care much about reciprocation.)

One other time, I was in another hotel room with three other guys named Roy, Burton, and Brian. I was the oldest in the room, at about 15, and the others were a year or two younger. Brian had gone off somewhere and Roy, Burton, and I were talking about sex. Roy was about 13 and he was really interested in seeing my dick, so after a while I pulled it out and showed it to him. I have to admit that it looked really huge and Roy said, "My God, it looks like a grown man's!"

I said, "It is a grown man's!"

We were also talking about circumcision and Roy and I said we had never seen an uncut dick. Burton said that he was uncut and that he would show us if we promised not to laugh. So we promised and he pulled it out. He hadn't gone through puberty yet so it was really small, and I couldn't his gure out where his dickhead was. (He should've skinned back so we could see how it worked, but he didn't.)

We were going on like this when Brian came back. We quickly covered up and Brian asked us what the hell we were doing. Roy said, "We were having a contest and Hank (my nickname) won."

Brian told the others that we were queer but we called him a liar, and since nobody much liked Brian most people believed us.

I found out later that Roy had told about half the band that I had an enormous dick, because pretty soon girls started giggling and teasing me about it. It's not a bad reputation to have but in this case it wasn't justied-- my dick is just a little bigger than average. It was only to Roy that it looked enormous.

But anyway, after all this horseplay that didn't actually lead to any sex, one of the hotel expeditions did nally pay off. We were down in Florida somewhere and there was a black boy named Nathan who didn't have a room to stay in.

I have to mention that our school and town were really racist, and that there were very few black kids in the band. Mostly they stayed in a room together but for some reason they didn't have the right number on this trip and Nathan was odd man out. So Nathan had to share a room with us.

The other two white guys in the room were real assholes to him and refused to share a bed with him, so I told him he could sleep with me. Nothing happened that night but the next day we were playing some kind of game on the band bus and Nathan grabbed me in the crotch while tagging me.

I thought there was something going on and a few days later at band practice Nathan shoved a note into my hand. It said (more or less), "Please don't show this to anyone, not even Lee (my best friend). I know you will think I am weird or something but I like you very much and think you are handsome. I would like us to be friends like boyfriends and girlfriends and to do things together. Please call me tonight."

So I called him and we agreed that we'd meet in the band room on Saturday. Our band room had a broken window and we all knew how to get in when the door was locked. When I got there he was already in the room and we talked nervously for a few minutes until he began to kiss me.

I was amazed at how wonderful it was. I had kissed girls before but I had never felt anything so electric and exciting as this first kiss from a man. I was also aware that his lips were thicker than mine.

A strange mixture of lust and repulsion went through me. We were brought up to feel that blacks were lthy and inferior and I felt horribly guilty but still more excited than I had ever been before.

He took my hand and led me to the back room and we shucked our shorts off and began to jack on each other's dicks. I went down to suck him and for the first time felt a hard dick in my mouth. It was a lot different than I thought it would be and I found myself gagging as I tried to suck more of it in. I got upset and disgusted with myself and started to cry a little.

Nathan said, "What's the matter?"

I said, "I can't do this. We shouldn't be doing this." I got up to go.

He tried to get me to calm down and stay but I couldn't.

When I got out of the band room I went out to the car and kept spitting to get the taste out of my mouth.

We didn't talk to each other again after that.

At the end of that summer I went off to college and there I had some better sexual experiences, and calmed down about my sexuality.

At the end of my first year in college I went home for the summer and I called Nathan to see if he wanted to give it another try. He told men me that he was trying to quit going with men but after a while he said he would come by.

We had sex a few more times after that and it was really never very good. I was always too uptight and afraid that people would nd out about us.

I later moved on to another college out of state and lost track of him.

Editor's Note: I like this man's style; it has the plainness that comes of condence. I have written to him asking for the college experiences he mentions. I hope to have these for the next book in this series. ­B. McD.]

Author Profile:  Boyd McDonald

Born in 1925 in South Dakota, Boyd McDonald entered Harvard as a high-school dropout after serving in the army in World War II. Jobs with Time, IBM, and several Wall Street firms preceded Boyd's career as a chronicler of gay sex. He was the founder and editor of Straight to Hell (alternatively the Manhattan Review of Cocksucking), and later published a number of anthologies of true sex histories. Boyd died in September 1993, two months after completing his final book, Scum.