Loose Lips	Loose Lips Archive

When the telephone was first introduced, a new form of sexual harassment-- the obscene phone call-- came along for the ride. In the straight-laced world of our grandparents, the idea that a man could speak to a woman anonymously and hear her voice in return came as quite a shock. The new opportunities for intimacy were thrilling. But of course, some people abused, and still abuse, the new technology as a way of getting their jollies.

We see the same pattern again on the Internet. Now that millions of Americans have Internet access, they've rediscovered the thrills of anonymity and are busy seducing each other and typing orgasms with one hand. Miss Poubelle is entirely in favor of cybersex, with its fascinating mixture of old-fashioned letter-writing and new-fangled machinery. To seduce someone in cyberspace takes a skill with words and a mastery of pacing that is quite challenging.

View our poll archive

She is less fond of the e-mail phenomenon that has come to be known as flaming. Flaming is the now familiar practice of sending out insulting and inflammatory e-mail and news group postings, generally to people you do not know. Again, there is something about the near anonymity of the process that brings out the worst in some people. Writers may be identified by their AOL screen names or by a chosen nickname, but they are under no obligations to reveal their true names and identities in such forums. Those who would never yell at a person in the same room over a political disagreement feel empowered to send flaming e-mail written IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS AND FILLED WITH %$#*& OBSCENITIES.

These flaming Internet idiots, in her view, can't match the courage that our flaming queens display on a regular basis. A flaming queen, of course, is one who is completely and obviously homosexual. Many or most gay men choose to dress and talk in ways that don't make their homosexuality evident to the larger world. We may be completely open about the subject to anyone who asks, but the passerby on the street will probably not be able to tell. The flamers among us let the whole world know.

Being a flaming queen has always had its dangers and drawbacks. In the homophobic society that we live in, to be obviously gay can result in insults, attacks, and even death. But it is the most obvious among us who have also been some of the most important spokesfolk for our rights. Those who cannot or will not retreat into sexual anonymity are forced to fight the prejudices and confront the bigots around them. There is some truth to the claim that the Stonewall riots were started by the drag queens.

Flaming has been used in the sense of "obvious, glaring" since at least 1706, when people spoke of "flaming vices." Flamer, meaning "a person or thing glaringly conspicuous" is a bit younger, but is attested as early as 1809. There is no close connection between flaming in the gay sense and flaming over the Internet. Flaming, in the gay sense of the word, refers to things that are as easy to spot as a fire. Flamboyant means just the same thing, and comes from the Old French term "blazing, flaming." Flaming in the sense of the Internet is connected to the verb to flame, meaning "to scorch, to ignite," and the idea is that Internet flamers scorch their adversaries with their words.

But despite the linguistic similarity of the two ideas, what a contrast there is between the obvious queen and the overwrought Internet abuser! The Internet flamer uses anonymity as a cover for unleashing his or her pent-up frustrations on strangers. But the queens have choosen to abandon anonymity to better the world and to be true to themselves. And our whole community has benefitted from their courage. **