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BeTwinked
Rating: 2 Stars
Produced, edited, written, and directed by Peter Z Pan. Videography by Danny Ferrari. Music by the PZP Pride Pipers. Starring Brant Moore, Brandon Brooks, Jayden Halloway, Robert Long, Constantine, Shane Stone, Vittorio Ricci, Donovan Knight, Gabriel DuBois, and Dame Auntie Mame.
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"I am a broom-riding, cocksucking, cauldron-stirring witch!" snaps Samuel (Brandon Brooks) when his boyfriend Derrick (Brant Moore) won't believe he's... "well, technically I'm a warlock, but us gay twinks like to call ourselves witches." Traumatized, Derrick stalks off to work at his ad agency. Sam has picked the wrong day to come out of the broom closet; that afternoon, Derrick hopes to land a lucrative contract with Marvin Crabgrass (Shane Stone), the electric-buttplug magnate. Complications ensue.

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I>BeTwinked is, of course, a send-up of "Bewitched," the long-running (1964-72) sitcom where Elizabeth Montgomery played Samantha, a housewife who happened to be a practicing witch. She had powers similar to those of Samuel-- though she never, to this writer's knowledge, made a dildo fly. Peter Z Pan's script is a crudely funny mishmash of sitcom plotting, affectionate jabs at the original show, and sex. The plot involves a sex potion, a happiness potion, and Sam's "identical twin cousin" Sabrino. Drag relic Dame Auntie Mame turns up in the Agnes Moorehead role as Sam's mother, and Gabriel DuBois, who looks like a vast, voracious beanbag chair, plays Uncle Alfred, echoing Paul Lynde. (Their roles are mercifully non-sexual.) Funny lines are frequently undone by bad readings and execrable sound.

The sex, which features oral and/or facial cumshots, has a few potent moments, mostly involving longhaired, deliciously built Brant Moore and promising newcomer Brandon Brooks, a sly, slim blond. The strongest of five sex scenes are the first, a morning lovemaking session where Moore tops Brooks, and the fifth, a swimming-pool threesome where Brooks and Shane Stone (as Marvin Crabgrass) are joined by young, dark-haired beauty Donovan Knight. But many viewers will also savor the sequence where Brooks shows off his versatility by piston-fucking supple, scrappy Constantine, who appears as a leather-harnessed witch doctor.

It's impossible not to wonder what the late gay actor Dick Sargent, Samantha's spouse in the last three seasons of "Bewitched," might have thought of this offering. He and Elizabeth Montgomery were Grand Marshals of the LA pride parade in 1992.