Speaking Out (of his mind!)	Speaking Out Archive

Once again I'll he spending this February 14th with my all-time favorite valentine, Mom. But I know many of my readers may not be as fortunate as I, and still may be searching to find that special person with whom to spend that all-important day. Since I consider myself to be really, almost an expert, in affairs of the heart, I thought the least I could do is pass along some tips on how to find and keep Mr. Right.

The most important rule is to cultivate the dress, behavior, and mannerisms that will render you straight-acting and straight-appearing. Nobody likes a sissy, and even more importantly, no one wants to be seen with a sissy lest embarrassing suspicions concerning one's own nature be aroused.

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Naturally, whenever you are out, you will want to put your best foot forward. Everybody likes to know people who know the "right" people. Try to think of someone important you may have once met or seen and find a way to casually drop your "friendship" into the conversation. For example "That reminds me of the time I was in Palm Beach watching Arthur Sommerfield, President Eisenhower's Postmaster General, playing gin rummy." Also it never hurts to put a couple of hundred dollar bills in your wallet, even though you have no intention of spending them. Just make sure that whomever you're with sees the money and thinks that you're loaded I've always believed that if you act like a big shot, people will treat you like one.

A word of caution, however. Sometimes there is the danger with some shyer individuals, of actually being too impressive. Let me share a personal example. There was a very attractive young man I was interested in who I knew was doing graduate work in English at Harvard. His field happened to be the romantic poets. As I'm sure will come as no surprise to my readers, in addition to my wonderful prose, I have also written literally hundreds of beautiful verses. I thought, why not favor this young man with one of my more sensitive and lyrical love poems. I bought a lovely card and sent it to him inscribed with the following original verses:

l have more love in my heart
Than a thousand dollars can buy;
That is why, I
Fly high
In the blue heavens above
Like a snows white dove.

Talk about the best-laid plans backfiring.... The young man was clearly so overwhelmed by my gift that he just didn't know how to respond. On the several subsequent occasions when I tried to contact him on the telephone, after I got him on the line and told him who was calling, there was a long silence, and then he mumbled something about not being able to talk right then, and he hung up.

Of course it is unlikely that such an unequal relationship would have worked out anyway, but it only goes to show that with some individuals you may actually get farther by downplaying your innate superiority. No matter, the important thing to remember is that success in love means saying and doing those things that will impress the other. If you let this maxim be your guide, then in future years, you may have a wonderful Valentine's Day, something like mine.