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Handsome Ransom
Rating: 3 Stars
Produced by Lynne Lopatin. Directed by Bruce Walker. Written by Lynne Lopatin and Bruce Walker. Videography by Greg Lewis. Starring Paul Morgan, Chris Dano, Dakota Blaze, Tanner Reeves, Dom Sinclair, Chance Caldwell, Sweet Williams, and T.J. Paris.
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In this loopy variant of "The Ransom of Red Chief," Paul Morgan and Chris Dano live in down-scale, uncool Tarzana. Their wretched apartment is furnished with cardboard boxes. Leafing through an adult video mag, they read about the money being lavished on a gay porn series called Naughty Boys of Aspen. Inflamed with greed, Morgan suggests kidnapping the star, "Butch Hyker," for ransom. Dano has reservations. "Look," says Morgan, "you want new furniture, don't you?"

Posing as caterers, they invade the set of Hyker's current project and abduct him, assuming the producers won't hesitate to shell out $100,000 for his safe return. Unfortunately, no one really wants him back. "What the fuck would anyone want with that bitch?" says studio boss Tanner Reeves. Hyker is indeed sort of a pain, but when he tells the kidnappers, "You guys are morons," he at least proves himself observant. As portrayed by Dakota Blaze, he looks like a Bel Ami model who has gone around the block a few extra times. During his two sex scenes, uncredited jazz arrangements of Alex North's score for the Liz Taylor version of Cleopatra wash up on the soundtrack; the sensuous tackiness fits perfectly.

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Handsome Ransom is technically uneven, with good lines rendered almost unintelligible through dodgy sound recording. But the humor still bubbles to the surface, and Paul Morgan and Chris Dano have a funny, pleasant, easy rapport as partners in crime and partners in sex. The sex gets hotter as the story progresses, ending with a sensational four-way featuring Morgan, Dano, Reeves, and Dom Sinclair. Their cluster of orgasms is captured in one of the most effective single takes in recent memory.