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Until recently, few Americans had so much as heard of Monda Behinou, The Guide's special travel destination for April 1999 (see article). Now, thanks to an innovative trade initiative, the tiny city-state can be expected to achieve unprecedented notoriety across the U.S.A. In an aggressive effort to attract gay tourists, promote cross-cultural understanding, and compete economically with the Czech Republic, the Monda Behinish Ministry of Culture has crafted an exchange agreement involving the BLPTV (Bourou Lesbounani, Pouftahouni, Tweetuptouni, ou Venephalmani, or Office of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered Affairs), a consortium of Monda Behinish video producers, and the Adult Video Association of America.

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According to Woshtigou Soubwouf, executive director of the BLPTV, more than four dozen Monda Behinish adult videos-- gay, bi, straight, and transgendered-- will become available at retail outlets across the U.S. (except for Utah) on or about April 1, 2000. The videos follow the conventions of pornou, the traditional Monda Behinish adult cinema, and reflect Monda Behinish cultural biases. These include a strain of elbow fetishism and a taste for onions. (For more information about Monda Behinou, see The Guide, April 1999.)

In Monda Behinou, which has more surveillance cameras per capita than any other nation on earth, the slogan of the National Tourist Office is "Blunch ou koudakout"-- "Come and be seen." Lack of privacy is a civic virtue; the average Monda Behinian is accordingly both an exhibitionist and a voyeur. This translates well into forms of pornographic expression that the BLPTV believes will soon catch on worldwide. "People who watch us," says Soubwouf, "will wish to come here. When they come here, we will wish to watch them."

Suck My Elbow

Goumi Behinouni. Produced, written, photographed and directed by Yigtou Goumetch. Edited by Fefti Yangouna. Music by Roupou Scatou. Starring Yagobar Fegwandi, Snieto Magouna, Gegpou Twagabundi, Algobar Wetchaho, Gegbar Woktiko, Feftou Madounina, Boubou Fefnetchi, Cole Tucker, Yuntchou Bloutch, Wembo Bambounina, and Zezzabar Blenk. To order, write: Goumi Behinouni, Ltd., 384 Strouna Skipitina, Rear Entrance, 34267 8EL Republic of Monda Behinou. Or call: 055-34-66-19.

Writer/director Yigtou Goumetch has previously shown hints of crossover talent in such pornou classics as Onion Butt, Mud Luscious, and I Look, You See. But his latest work attains new heights of excellence. Suck My Elbow (originally Shloupa Youmpou Mounou) fuses the existential rigor of Bresson's Mouchette with the playfulness of Clair's Sous les toits de Paris and the unadorned narrative verve of Wolcott's Wild Women of Wongo.

There are minor flaws. Feftou Madounina's masturbation scene goes on too long. Delectable Yagobar Fegwandi remains full clothed while fucking Zezzabar Blenk in deep shadow. In the American edition, Monda Behinish dialogue is erratically subtitled, and the pungency of the Monda Behinish language is lost. (The common Monda Behinish curse "Mamou gouthou yapou shnourti kroupti!"-- "Your mother fucks large wild boars!"-- is rendered here as "Your mother is bad!") Non-Monda Behinish viewers who resist the spell of this masterwork may find its obsessive elbow imagery somewhat enervating. This is nonetheless the finest elbow fetish video ever made.

Its five superbly crafted sexual episodes are woven seamlessly into footage of the annual mud riots on Dansha Fougegglouni, the Day of the Insane (April 15). When muscular models like Gegpou Twaga- bundi and Yuntchou Bloutch circle one another naked, flexing elbows provocatively set off by bearskin harnesses, the screen catches fire. When Algobar Wetchaho smears onion jam on Boubou Fefnetchi's trembling stiff cock, the moment is transfiguringly lewd.

Holding his own in the midst of this powerhouse Monda Behinish ensemble, American porn star Cole Tucker nimbly gets his tongue around both Yuntchou Bloutch's elbows and such Monda Behinish phrases as "Liga tchoutsi mounou!" ("Lick my socks!") Monda Behinish adult video doesn't get much better than this.

Pornou Behinou Fast Forward - Reviews in Brief

Night of the 9 Pronged Sticks

Twengi International. Produced by Bagaflou Clougoumi. Directed by Zezzabar Yampou. Cast includes Feftou Madounina, Degbou Foufouni, and Tony Bougoufletch. To order: Twengi International, 253F Boulevouna Annina Bouna, 34114 D67 Republic of Monda Behinou. Or call 055-33-15-98.

After a nice, edgy start in a lead-lined storage bin beneath the central onion market, this sadomasochistic blowout becomes punishing in ways that the director, dungeon entrepreneur Zezzabar Yampou, may not have intended. In the best of four sex loops, yelping bottoms are gouged about the buttocks with a humbahumbee, the traditional nine-pronged stick used by the Monda Behinish police. Viewers so inclined may enjoy seeing face wrenches and crotch tongs at work; others may want to give this offering a very wide berth. Director Yampou staged and shot the action at his internationally famous fetish club, Zezzabar's House of Pain.

Come and Be Seen

Boulbarinani Kroupti. Produced, directed by Gegbar Legbar. Cast includes Gegbar Woktiko, Boubou Fefnetchi, Algobar Lapounouni, and patrons of Houstouria Richard Nixon. To order: Boulbarinani Kroupti, 393 Strouna

Reverse the verbs in the title, and youÕve got the idea. Cleverly assembled from footage shot by surveillance cameras in the menÕs room at Houstouria Richard Nixon, one of the more popular gay hostelries in downtown Monda Behinou, Come and Be Seen plants tumescent porn stars at urinals, in open toilet stalls, and under sinks, and then records the results when hotel guests amble in to take a whiz. Seven members of the visiting Bavarian Gay MenÕs Chorus, Lederhosen around their ankles, engineer a spectacular vignette by closing in on Gegbar Woktiko and pissing heartily upon his head.

Hot Penis Pie

Goumi Behinouni. Produced by Fefti Marganinou. Written, directed by Hodaho Kekkabingi. Cast includes Degbou Wekahoni, Fuffnar Goug, Kengou Pitt, Dibdou Bungouma, and Karl-Heinz Youmahoutch. To order, write: Goumi Behinouni, Ltd., 384 Strouna Skipitina, Rear Entrance, 34267 8EL Republic of Monda Behinou. Or call: 055-34-66-19.

The incomparable Degbou Wekahoni heads an energetic cast in this rollicking tribute to Fougou Gangabangi, the Monda Behinish Hannibal Lecter. As Fougou, Wekahoni lends new meaning to the word ravenous; as two of his victims, Dibdou Bungouma and Kengou Pitt look good enough to eat. In the best episode, naked bakers Fuffnar Goug and Karl-Heinz Youmahoutch knead dough, then knead each other. This is director Hodaho Kekkabingi's best work since Onion Master (1997).

Oingou!

Boulbarinani Kroupti. Produced by Gumpou Youmani. Directed by Snieto Youmagouna. Includes Yagobar Fefnetch, Degbou Foufouni, Lago-bar Ridgeston, Thom Barron, Pup-tar Gungabouli. To order: Boulbarinani Kroupti, 452 Strouna Skipitina, 34185 D45 Republic of Monda Behinou. Or call 055-32-56-01.

This heavy-handed wallow, shot on location at Oink Boy, a popular sex club, amounts to little more than a padded commercial for Roupou Gloupou, Monda Behinou's best-selling lubricant. Demonstrations of this admittedly high-quality lube's edibility may turn some viewers' stomachs, but the 13-man cast plunges into the onion-flavored goo with unfeigned glee. In the best scene, Yagobar Fefnetch inserts both feet into Degbou Foufouni's impressively capacious anal cavity while singing "Zouvalno al Boug," the Monda Behinish national anthem.

Wank Boys of Gradomet

Videouni Kroupti. No technical credits. Includes Goumoun Boumetch, Deptou Gigbouna, Skiptina McKenzie, Wagobar Pounina, Joumi Yougoutch. To order, write: Zeke's Movies, 163 East Bog Hollow Rd, Covington, KY 41011, USA.

Wank Boys of Gradomet packs the erotic charge of waiting for a bus in Warwick, Rhode Island. Except for one Brechtian moment when the videographer drops the camera on his foot, the first three scenes engulf you like a dose of Thorazine. Then, when least expected, comes a 20-minute segment in which Deptou Gigbouna orally extracts two kilos of Vidalia onions from Goumoun Boumetch's colon. This sequence must be seen to be believed, but with a puke pail on your lap.

Boulbarina Mounou

Gaping Hole Productions. Produced by Fleptou Goumbani and Pipti Wegdouna. Directed by Gegbar Legbar. Written by Pipti Wegdouna. Cast includes Snieto Magouna, Twagourina Ougi, Todd Fegwenk, Degbou Foufouni, and Chi Chi LaRue. To order, write: Gaping Hole Productions, 723 Strouna Wekabouna, 34781 R15 Republic of Monda Behinou. Or call 055-33-67-29.

This story-driven vehicle for celebrated muscle stud Snieto Magouna has the distinction of having been written, if that is the word, by his frequent companion, Madonna-esque pop goddess Pipti Wegdouna. A sketchy bisexual fantasy, Boulbarina Mounou ("My Turnip") succeeds as porn through the sheer star power of Magouna, whose phosphorescent-toothed charms have never been more strikingly in evidence. Magouna's hefty 11-inch penis gets a five-scene workout. The stunning 14-man Monda Behinish cast is augmented by American porn auteur Chi Chi LaRue, appearing briefly but memorably as Todd Fegwenk's schizophrenic mother. The dubbing, featuring voices of members of the Pacific Northwest touring company of Cats, was a mistake. **