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Massachusetts Governor and GOP rising star Willard Romney waded further into the contentious issue of marriage today by filing his "Defense of Really Traditional Marriage" constitutional amendment. To become law, the bill would have win legislative approval and then be affirmed by Bay State voters the following year.

"For over a hundred years now," Romney said in an interview from his home in Salt Lake City, "we have watched as liberal do-gooders and activist judges have eroded the sanctity of traditional marriage as outlined both in the real Bible and in the Book of Mormon."

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"We are a godly country founded on godly Mormon principles," continued the Massachusetts chief executive, "and God has ordained that plural marriage is required for exultation in the celestial kingdom. Man was created with the ability and urges to spread his seed widely beginning at adolescence. No amount of secular humanistic claptrap can change that divine biological reality."

The Romney bill would allow any male over the age of 14 to take as many as seven wives. "We are not imposing plural marriage on anyone," said Romney's press aide Brigham O'Reilly Mangiamerde. "We are simply telling the activist courts that enough is enough-- the governor feels that people agree with him that traditional marriage is between one man and up to seven women."

Romney's legislation is sure to draw national attention given the governor's energetic campaign in opposition to same sex marriage.

"Let no one accuse me of being hypocritical," Romney thundered at a recent brief visit to Massachusetts where he serves as governor. "When I urged enforcement of Jim Crow legislation to block out-of-state homosexual marriages, many thought it was simply using racist legislation for political expediency. But I really believe it best for a man and his wives to share ethnic compatibility. God made people different colors so they'd know not to get married to each other. That's just as obvious as the genitals between your legs."

The Romney legislation requires marriage candidates to submit DNA samples for government approval; if a man's DNA differs from any one of his potential wives' DNA by more than .0001 percent, the entire marriage is disallowed. (As an added bonus, the DNA is then banked with the Department of Homeland Security, thus enlisting godly marriage values in the fight against terrorism.)