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Sex. We live in a world obsessed with it. It's just about every man's favorite subject. But aside from the fact that most of us do it sometimes, how much do we really know about the art and science of it?

Here's a little test. Is it a problem if you have an erection that won't go down? How big is the average penis? Does watching porn hurt your sex life? Is excessive masturbation considered abnormal by sexologists? Is it normal for a man to not masturbate at all? Is there such a thing as too much sex?

I

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didn't know all the answers, either. That's why I recently took Psychology 153 at the University of Western Ontario as an elective as I work towards my degree in sociology. You might as well call the course Sex Ed 101, and of course it's popular, drawing some 600 students.

From the science of attraction to the physics of longer and better orgasms, I'll share with you the highlights of what it took me a year of classes to discover. After it's over, you will have heard the expert's advice on everything from how to make someone fall in love with you to how to fix that annoying habit of climaxing too fast.

Sizing your tools

The course was taught by Professor Meredith Chivers, a clinical psychologist and sex researcher from the University of Toronto's Clarke Institute (which has raised the ire of queers for its hand-in-glove relations with sex police, and has recently been rebranded as the Center for Mental Health and Addiction). The textbook used was Human Sexuality co-written by famed researcher Dr. Simon LeVay. To give credit where due, I've borrowed heavily from the textbook. LeVay, an openly gay neurologist, won fame in 1991 for finding a tiny, millimeter-sized structure in the brain's hypothalamus that, compared to straight men, seemed smaller in gays -- more like how it appears in straight women. LeVay's findings remain contested, but he's not a narrow it's-all-in-the-genes reductionist. His textbook is culturally and historically aware, doesn't play dumb with its readers, and has earned a reputation for being the most evidence-minded in a field where prejudice often reigns.

Let's start with every man's favorite tool -- his penis. So how big should it be exactly? Do you think that you're too small? Or maybe you think you're bigger the average. Well, let me tell you where the science says you rank.

According to the research, the mean average adult penis length is in the range of about five inches, plus or minus an inch. That means that normal would be considered anywhere from four-to-six inches, smaller than what many men suppose, and certainly smaller than the organs that porn stars, often selected for their generous endowments, exhibit.

If you feel you are less than adequate, whether you are within the normal range or not, there aren't many great options for making your penis larger. There's a lengthening procedure that involves severing the suspensory ligament which holds the penis in place. Doing this adds an apparent inch to the length -- but only when flaccid; there's no difference when the penis is hard.

Chivers cautioned that an erect cock owes its stability to the suspensory ligament; cut it, and the penis can flop around, and may require a stabilizing hand to hold everything in place during intercourse.

She also pointed out that most men who seek penis enlargement are actually men who fall within the normal range, but are nonetheless still unhappy with their dick size. Such irrationality is not easy to assuage: research shows that most men who have had augmentation are still unhappy after the pain and expense of going through the procedure.

For easily making your penis look larger, Chivers had two suggestions.

First, think grooming. A big bush can bury your penis and make it appear smaller than it really is. Try trimming back your pubic hair, a little trick that's caught on in the gay community, at least judging by the gyms and baths I frequent.

The other way to make your penis look bigger is to lose a bit of weight. Fat tends to get deposited in your pubic area, which can effectively bury a flaccid wiener. Some men's dicks are barely visible when soft so hidden are they under so much bulge. Losing the weight will highlight your natural attributes -- yet another good reason to stay in shape and hit the gym.

A hard man is good to find

Other problems with your penis might also warrant a visit to the doctor.

Difficulty or an inability to get an erection is one of them. Erectile dysfunction (or E.D., the new moniker for the condition formerly dubbed "impotence") has a myriad of possible physical and psychological causes, and is amenable to a variety of treatments.

On the physical side, smoking, drinking, diabetes, heart disease, certain recreational drugs, obesity, and lack of exercise are among factors that can cause problems with erections.

But try not to worry too much: another cofactor for limp dick is performance-related anxiety. The good news is that, whatever the cause, drugs such as Viagra can help. More invasively, there are penile implants that do the trick for some men. Others prefer to use erection pumps coupled with elastic cock rings to first obtain and then maintain an erection.

The flip side of E.D. is a condition called priapism, where an erection won't go down. This can be a side-effect of certain drugs and is a medical emergency. Prolonged erection cuts off oxygen to the penis and permanent damage can occur within hours.

The general rule of thumb for hard-ons is that the best thing you can do for yourself throughout your life, but especially as you age, is to be slim and exercise regularly. Not only will it make you more desirable to potential partners (chubby-chasers excepted), it will improve your chances of actually being able to consummate your attraction when opportunity arises.

Surprisingly, hard times getting an erection is not the biggest thing men complain about in the bedroom. The number- one sexual dysfunction for men is actually premature ejaculation, or "rapid ejaculation" as it's sometimes called.

A loose definition of rapid ejaculation is when a man comes before he wants to. More precisely, the American Psychological Association defines the condition as when a man ejaculates within 15 to 60 seconds after beginning intercourse, or before he even starts.

Some speculate that some men learn to come quickly as teens by rushing to orgasm via hasty masturbation or quickies in the backs of cars. Others speculate about biological causes, bolstered by a finding that many men with the problem have chronic inflammation of the prostate gland. Either way, there are treatments.

Famed sex researchers Masters and Johnson developed the "stop-and-start technique" that you can try at home. A man begins by masturbating to the point of medium arousal and then stops until he is no longer turned on. Then he masturbates to the same point and stops again. He repeats this several times until finally masturbating to orgasm. Once he becomes used to delaying orgasm by himself, he gets his partner to assist in the stopping and going.

This is an effective technique, said Dr. Guy Grenier, a clinical psychologist who was guest-lecturer in our class.

LeVay's textbook cited research by Grenier, who found that men often tried to treat the problem on their own by "thrusting slowly, using a circular rather than an in-and-out motion, pausing, withdrawing briefly, using positions that offer less stimulation, using a condom or doubled-up condoms, mentally distracting themselves, ejaculating by some other method before sex, or drinking alcohol before the sexual encounter."

Of course, like everything else these days, some push pills for this problem. Certain antidepressants in the SSRI family, such as Paxil and Zoloft, can delay orgasm -- as part of generally downshifting sex drives into lower gear. But such a pharmacological fix is a baby-and-the-bathwater tack. Grenier doesn't like the idea of using pills to treat a problem that can be solved effectively with a bit of manual therapy and homework.

Premature ejaculation's flip side is men who are unable to come at all or only with great difficulty. Fortunately, difficulty climaxing is uncommon -- though when it crops up, it could be a side effect of certain drugs, or a consequence of neurological damage or acute anxiety.

Sex on the brain

So much for some technical aspects of men and sex. What about sexual desire? How much is normal? Sexologists can't decide. Some researchers say that horniness can grow to unhealthy proportions while others doubt there can be too much of a good thing.

To be certain, there are many physical conditions that can cause what is dubbed hypersexuality. Dementia, multiple sclerosis, epilepsy, stroke, tumors, and injuries to certain parts of the brain -- as well as some drugs and even alcohol and certain forms of mental illnesses -- can also alter and increase sexual desire.

Where no organic cause is involved Grenier urged caution in being quick to judge. He used the example of masturbation, and said that there is no magic threshold where a line into "too much" is crossed, but suggested that one consideration is if the behavior causes problems for a person. Masturbating ten times a day is itself not harmful, but might become an issue if it interferes with one's work, or invites the attention of the law.

How much a man masturbates seems to vary with race, education, and sexual orientation. Generally, the more educated the man the more they masturbate. Studies in North America, at least, suggest that white men masturbate more than black and Latino men, and gay men masturbate more than straight men.

According to a survey of the roughly 200 or so male students in the class, all but one said they masturbated regularly. When the men in the class saw this result, several of them shouted out that the one guy who said he didn't jerk off was a "liar" -- but, hey, guys vary in their drives for sex, both partnered and solo. Still, it would seem that masturbating, at least among college guys, is the norm for almost all.

Excessive libido, in the absence of an organic cause, is referred to as either "compulsive sexual behavior" or "obsessive-compulsive sexual disorder." Once again, this notion is controversial and many clinicians doubt whether this is really a problem, or just a natural variation among men.

In trying to judge whether there's a problem, clinicians would ask whether a man has a sense of control over his behavior and whether or not he engages in it freely having thought about the consequences, or whether he feels compelled to act out his desires against his better judgment. In any case, once again there's a pill. Those same SSRI's used to treat rapid ejaculation can also "relieve" a man of his compulsive sexual behavior, if that's what he wants.

The contrasting problem is "low libido," or in technical terms "hypoactive sexual desire disorder." Around one in six men reports a lack of interest in sex. But only about three percent of men experience this to an extent that they qualify for a medical diagnosis of a desire disorder.

Some people avowedly embrace asexuality. But for those wanting to turn up the juices, the story is mixed. The good news is that treatment with testosterone will likely increase a man's desire to engage in both sex and masturbation. The bad news is that the treatment can have negative side effects such as liver disease, heart disease, accelerated baldness, reduced fertility, and mood problems.

Low libido is often thought to have a significant psychological component. It may be related to inculcated sex-negative attitudes, relationship problems, stress, depression and/or a negative-feedback loop with other sexual dysfunctions such as erectile difficulties. Addressing underlying problems can often boost libido.

Judging the lover by the cover

Now that we've talked about when sex goes wrong, let's talk about when it goes right, about the principles governing sexual attraction. It seems that the old saying that "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" isn't entirely true. Apparently, there are some objective standards by which most people and cultures judge attractiveness.

The underlying principles of sexual attraction seem to be an evolutionary quest for health and reproductive fitness in a partner. Features which indicate strength and fitness are considered most desirable across cultures and races.

Men often take their cues from a potential partner's facial features. "The attractiveness of a person's face may be influenced by many factors," contends LeVay, "such as skin quality (blemished / unblemished), presence and distribution of facial hair, and ear alignment (protruding / not protruding)."

But there are other, more subtle characteristics arguably involved. The first is left-right symmetry in facial features. Both sides of the human face are genetically programmed to be identical and only deviate when there are environmental perturbations that interfere. A person with highly symmetrical features is perceived as having had a more ideal development, an indicator for fitness, and is thereby apparently more desirable.

Ironically, another feature universally considered attractive is averageness. It seems that people like well developed, healthy looking and symmetrical features that don't stand out too much -- that appear, in other words, simply average. But they also want them to be highly masculine or feminine in appearance. Men who are highly masculine and women who are highly feminine are, on average, consistently rated as the most attractive in their appeal.

There are also ideal body types that people look for. In males, people consistently rated men with a waist-to-hip ratio of .9 (which looks slim and fit to the eye) to be the most attractive and desirable. Muscular men with broad shoulders and big pectorals are also highly in demand. This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective because men who are either overweight or underweight are at risk for disease and death and do not make the best mates. Likewise, strong and fit men are ideal because of their evident ability to protect and provide.

Boys like me

There are other factors which seem to affect to whom we find ourselves attracted. It seems that over time, attraction can be enhanced by "mere exposure" to a person or face. Hollywood, one suspects, isn't ignorant of the tendency.

Conversely, there's the counter effect known as "habituation," whereby we tend to become less and less interested in a sexual partner the more we have sex with them. This has been a consistent finding reported by both males and females.

We've all heard the saying "Opposites attract," but it's hardly the whole, or the deepest, story. Even heterosexuality has a strong homo component in the fact that people tend to be attracted to people similar to them, a characteristic called "homophily." We often marry people of our own race, religion, educational background, economic status, and relative attractiveness, a phenomenon called "homogamy."

But the familiar can look less attractive owing to the "Farrah Factor," named after the beautiful star of the TV show "Charlie's Angels." One study found that after viewing several episodes of the show, heterosexual men reported their partners as less attractive. Seeing beautiful people on TV all the time seems to lower the relative attractiveness of the people we are with as less desirable by comparison.

As well a peril of porn? There's some evidence that men who watch a lot of porn tend to rate their sexual partners as less attractive and satisfying than men who do not watch porn. The more porn watched, the greater the effect. A little bit of porn is stimulating, but a lot may lead to unrealistic expectations.

But the research isn't all depressing. There's an interesting little trick you can try next time you have a hot date who you want to win over and get to fall madly in love with you. It's based on research that shows an effect called "misattribution of arousal" or "excitation transfer." People mistake other forms of arousal such as fear or humor as sexual excitement. Researchers found that men who were just getting off a roller coaster rated pictures of potential dates as much more attractive than men in the control group who didn't take the ride. So the tip for the day is: if you want to get someone in the sack, take them to see a really scary movie and hold them close.

Choosing your hole

Who we will be attracted to is a question all wrapped up in the notion of sexual orientation. Activists have long thrown around a figure of ten percent as the proportion of people they claim are gay. The figure derives from the famous surveys conducted by Alfred Kinsey in the 1940s.

When it comes to exclusive homosexuality, today's sexologists, based on contemporary research, say the proportion is only 1.5 percent of men. Exclusive lesbianism among women occurs at a rate less than half that: around .7 percent. If these figures seem too low, it may be because gay men tend to concentrate in large cities where their numbers can reach a much higher percentage of the population. In keeping with Kinsey's assessment, other research suggests that bisexuality is more common amongst both sexes than an exclusively homosexual attraction.

The research also shows what many in the gay community have long suspected: that the label "bisexual" is often used as a first step in the coming out process for men. As many as 40 percent of men who start out identifying as bisexual will later say they are gay. Sexologists have also found that a certain number of people say they are sexually attracted to one sex, but fall in love with someone from the other sex. An example would be two straight men who have a very passionate friendship that may look to outside observers like a romance, but is not sexual.

Sexual orientation is also strongly linked with a number of other traits. Research has consistently shown that boys who grow up to be gay men are much less gender-conforming than heterosexual males. They engage in less rough play, aggressive behavior, and athletics and are less focused on boys' toys and activities.

When they reach adulthood they are also less prone to aggression and are better at some tasks associated with women, such as verbal fluency. They describe themselves as less masculine than straight men and tend to disregard gender norms in their choice of careers. Of course, this is not to say there aren't lots of "straight-looking, straight-acting" gay men, but research suggests a tremendous range in gender non-conforming behavior.

The ongoing popularity of Chivers's class is testimony to both the eternal allure of sexuality and the remarkable ignorance of some of sex's basics, even amongst ostensibly well-educated people. Now that I've got Sex Ed 101 under my belt, what's next? Loads of field research, of course!

Author Profile:  Joseph Couture

Joseph Couture is a journalist based on London, Ontario.