July 2006 Cover
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By
Giacomo Tramontagna
Hard as a Rock Band
Rating: 2 Stars
Directed by Alain Eclair. No additional technical credits provided. Starring Brock, Stefan, David, Jacob, Ross, Roman, Ludek, Marlon, Vaclav, Jiri, and Michael.
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An Eastern European boy band-- Stefan, David, and Brock-- hops from gig to gig in a nimble white van. At some sites, their vehicle is mobbed by adoring fans who don't seem to mind that this twinkish combo can't
even fake playing musical instruments, or that the sounds ascribed to them could be the mating cries of an electric mixer. Zipping along the highways and byways of what may be the Czech Republic, the trio relieves
tension through warm fraternal interludes of oral sex. ("Being in a band," explains a robotic English-speaking narrator, "you get incredibly close to your band-mates, especially when you're all hot and hung.") There are also
groupies. The opening threesome in a moving microbus is the best this five-scene Europorn quickie has to offer; the erotic episodes place a commendable stress on foreplay, but throw away much of the sex. The 11-man cast
falls somewhere between serviceable and charming; the director, Alain Eclair, just stumbles.
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