Loose Lips	Loose Lips Archive

An elementary point of politeness in foreign travel is learning some words and phrases in the language of the country you are visiting. If you go to Greece, Poland, or Brazil, you ought to know how to say "Please," "Thank you," and "Where is the toilet?"

There are lots of phrase books and dictionaries that can help you get the basics of another language. But the phrase books don't usually include all the kinds of words and phrases that a reader of The Guide might need in a place like Bangkok, Prague or Krakow. What if you go to a gay bar or sauna in one of these places and the guys you meet don't speak English? Your Polish phrase book probably doesn't tell you how to say, "Don't pinch my nipples quite so hard" or "We really need to get some lube."

View our poll archive

The general problem of international communication has received a lot of attention over the years. Esperanto is probably the best-known attempt to create an artificial language for communication between speakers of different tongues, but your chances of randomly encountering an Esperanto speaker are fairly low, and you'll have to spend time yourself learning this language.

You are more likely to meet someone who speaks a little English, or has studied the language in school, but doesn't speak it very much. Is there any way to use limited English to communicate with them?

Various systems of restricted English have been developed for international communication. Maybe the best known of these is Basic English, devised by CK Ogden in 1930. This form of English has a basic vocabulary of 850 words, and users can add a specialized technical vocabulary of an additional 150 words, depending on what field is being discussed (art, chemistry, etc.). The Voice of America radio network uses a somewhat expanded version of Basic English, known as VOA Special English, which also has a limited vocabulary of 1,500 words.

A general concept behind Basic English or Special English is that in international communication it is best to avoid complicated words in favor of the simplest way of expressing an idea in English, even if that involves more words. So it is better to say "put it" in rather than "insert it." These kinds of restricted Englishes also avoid using synonyms in favor of the most basic terms, so they favor automobile or car over sedan, SUV, hybrid or any of the many other possible words.

The vocabulary of these restricted Englishes, however, is not going to be much help in sex situations, since it includes almost none of the needed words. Neither Basic English nor Special English vocabulary includes essential words like penis, testicles, nipples, suck or lick.

Basic English is especially prudish in this respect and prefers to use private parts as a general euphemism for all the relevant body parts. It even lacks simple English verbs like lick and suck. The Bible translated into Basic English is forced to resort to odd phrasings like "Your blood will become the drink of dogs" instead "Dogs will lick your blood".

Maybe Basic English needs a sex supplement to be workable for gay travelers? You could add a basic vocabulary of necessary nouns (penis, testicles, ass, nipple, semen, condom, lubrication) and verbs (lick, suck, ejaculate, masturbate) and possibly have some hope that the cute Czech or Pole will understand.

Once you have the necessary words, it is also good to remember that those who don't speak much English probably don't know all the slang synonyms for these words. If they have learned English words for these body parts and actions, they probably only know the most medical version. So if they know one word for "penis," it is probably penis, and not tool, wang, cock, or shlong. Condom is more likely to be understood than rubber, and testicles is better than nuts. It's also probably better to say "Lick my ass" than "Rim me!"

Of course, some of these words are often excluded from high-school English. In that case, the international traveler must be willing to share his tongue with foreigners. Fortunately, it is fairly easy to teach a willing pupil the meaning of most of these words, though demonstrations will undoubtedly be necessary.