Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

Dawn's readers and friends have often heard how little Dawn thinks of Mr. Abraham Lincoln. Reading David Donald's recent bio of America's first dictator only confirmed Dawn's opinion: Abe was first and foremost interested in power-- principles came a very distant second. Mr. Emancipation Proclamation did not, for example, deign to free the slaves in the northern states key to his powerbase; those darkies, he stressed, would remain slaves if that's what it took to preserve his precious union.

Dawn has frequently opined how much finer a country those of us outside the pellagra belt would have had Mr. Lincoln simply said good-bye to bad rubbish instead of spilling barrels of blood to continue a marriage better ended in divorce. Consider recent presidential elections; unsaddled from the Confederacy, we would have been spared Ronald Reagan as well as Bushes One and Two. No one would give a rat's ass how Florida voted (if indeed the CSA still had elections...).

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But what of the poor slaves?, Dawn can hear sensitive readers querying. The answer is simple: constituting almost half the population of many confederate states, Negroes would have long ago risen up in revolution, turning the tables on their former masters. Imagine-- Strom Thurmond schlepping cocktails for his African boss... George Wallace shining shoes for dark-skinned businessmen... George Bush actually laboring for money!

And as for the Gettysburg Address, often lauded as political poetry: poetic it may be, but the sentiments are dreadful. Had Mikhail Gorbachev decided to preserve his union with unprecedented violence and bloodshed, he would have been rightly reviled as a monster, no matter how eloquent his pronouncements on the battlefields of Georgia. Some things are meant to perish from this earth....