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The Detroit News reports that Jeffrey Haynes, 42, of Battle Creek will not be required to register as a sex offender after his release from prison where he is serving a 30 days-to-20 years sentence (!) for sexually "assaulting" a neighbor's sheep. In a unanimous ruling, Michigan's appellate court overturned the trial judge's order that Haynes register as a sexual dangerous person. The appellate court noted that the sex-registry statute "defines 'victim' as a 'person who suffers direct or threatened physical, financial or emotional harm as a result of the commission of an offense' and 'person' as 'an individual, organization, partnership, corporation or governmental entity.'" Since animals do not legally qualify as "persons" or "individuals," zoophiles in Michigan will not, for the time being, have to inform neighbors, police, and employers of their wooly predilections. No doubt, though, some headline-hungry politician will "correct" existing statutes so Michigan residents need not fear that they are unsuspectingly living near a sheep fucker.