Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

A Texas prisoner sued Penthouse magazine last fall. This is not news, for prisoners tend to be a litigious lot (understable, what with all the time on their hands and their familiarity with, and respect for, the courts' power). What was astonishing was the plaintiff's claim: David Joyner (serving 14 years for robbery and assault) claimed that the tame layout was not sufficiently titillating, thus leaving him "very mentally hurt and angered."

Joyner thought $500,000 would be adequate to comfort him after the distress inflicted by the sub-par spread that failed to provide the frontal nudity Joyner evidently craved.

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U.S. District Judge Sam Sparks disagreed, dismissing Joyner's suit with a 12-line poem and a $250 fine against Joyner for filing a frivolous legal motion.

The poem read in part: "Twas the night before Christmas and all through the prison, inmates were planning their new porno mission.... The minute his Penthouse issue arrived, the Minister ripped it open to see what was inside. But what to his wondering eyes should appear-- not Paula Jones' promised privates, but only her rear...."

"Life has its disappointments. Some come out of the blue, but that doesn't mean a prisoner should sue," Sparks concluded.