Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

Dawn has been amused by how many "resumes" of Prezdunt Bush one can find on the Internet. Amongst the best...

GEORGE W. BUSH

The White House, USA

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for congress and lost.

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land

using taxpayer money.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most

p

View our poll archive

olluted state in the Union.

Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.

I became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.

AS PRESIDENT:

I attacked and took over two countries.

I established a new pro-torture doctrine.

I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the treasury.

I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history.

My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.

I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.

In a little over two years I created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.

RECORDS:

I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).

I was AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.

I refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed and unavailable for public view.

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed and unavailable for public review.

PERSONAL REFERENCES:

For personal references, please speak to my dad or uncle James Baker. (They can be reached in their offices at the Carlyle Group where they are helping to divide up the spoils of the US-Iraq war and plan for the next one.)