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Cross Country, Parts 1 and 2
Rating: 3 Stars
Directed by Chris Steele. Written by Jack Shamama and Michael Stabile. Videography by Max Phllips and John Simms. Music by E.M. Diaz. Starring Roman Heart, Erik Rhodes, Dean Monroe, Brad Patton, Tyler Marks, Joe Sport, Matthew Rush, Ethan Kage, Derrick Vinyard, Maxx Diesel, Benjamin Bradley, Alex Rossi, Pete Ross, Andrew Bryant, Jon Valentino, Peter Morales, Roger Beresford, Trey Casteel, Franco DiMera, Dakota Rivers, Ethan Hunter, and Mike Power.
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San Francisco bodybuilders Matthew Rush and Erik Rhodes, friends and rivals, are summoned to New Zealand by expatriate buddy Roman Heart, who's dallying there with Dean Monroe, a man with a sinister smirk. Heart tells them some unnamed museum "needs two athletes to retrieve some artifacts." No New Zealander, presumably, could manage such a feat.

On New Zealand's South Island, the competitive pals split up and vie for possession of a sacred Maori totem that looks like a cheap tiki wall plaque swiped from Trader Vic's. Kayaking into the unknown, Rhodes is captured by "a flesh-obsessed cult of men" who force-feed him "aroha," a psychedelic aphrodisiac, and drag him into their orgies. (His suffering seems minimal.) Meanwhile, Rush meets backwoods hunk Ethan Kage, who warns him about the cult while treating him to a somewhat friendlier aroha-berry experience. Eventually, after plot complications and an aroha-enriched dream sequence, Rhodes is rescued, the duplicitous Monroe is nabbed by police, and Rhodes, Rush and Heart have celebratory sex on a lurching boat.

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The script of this Falcon epic, presented in two parts with a total running time of 256 minutes, is credited to screenwriters Jack Shamama and Michael Stabile, who seem to be resting on their Wet Palms laurels. The sketchy narrative rides roughshod over Maori culture, stumbles into earnest blather, isn't especially funny, and doesn't make sense. Cross Country does at least observe in passing that three-way relationships can work, though the hottest sex occurs among characters meeting as strangers, not ones living in committed bliss.

Luckily, DVD viewers are given the option of dodging the plot and letting only sex scenes roll. There are ten, five per disc, mostly involving multiple partners. Under Chris Steele's direction, nearly every sexual episode hits a bullseye. The models can't always read lines, but their sexual performances range from competent to stunning. Standouts in the 22-man cast include the four principals, slutty Irishman Kane O'Farrell, and stellar blonds Brad Patton and Pete Ross. The videography doesn't make the most of New Zealand locations, but it serves the models superbly well.