Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

You'd think after champion-of-internet-decency Congressman Mark Foley (R-Florida) was caught send- ing spooge-drenched emailed mash notes to teenaged pages, and after "I-am-not-a-homo" Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho) was arrested while toe-tapping for dick in a Minneapolis airport crapper, that lawmakers might think twice before raising their save-America-from-the-queers profile.

But New Jersey Assemblyman David Rible (R-Monmouth) bravely carries on the fight against homosex, a battle that has consumed much of his adult life. Rible has introduced legislation to send men convicted of "lewdness" in bathrooms, parks, and beaches to prison for up to 18 months, and require them to register (probably for life) as sexually dangerous individuals.

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ccording to the Newark Star-Ledger, Rible, while serving as a Wall Township police officer (before the voters of the Garden State inexplicably elected him to the legislature), "arrested a number of men participating in sexual activity in the woods outside the Monmouth Service Area on the Garden State Parkway." Dawn can only imagine Officer Rible's dedication to public safety: waiting hours in dark rest stop woods, learning the coded stares and gestures of those desiring cock, enticing men with subtle smiles and looks back over his shoulder as he led them to a secluded grove, and then, once he'd gotten a look at the "goods," busting the perverts who had followed his every lead and cue (but motivated by sinful lust, not Officer Rible's noble and self-sacrificing desire to protect the public from men jerking off in the woods). In fact, Dawn wouldn't be surprised to learn that Officer Rible was so dedicated to his crusade that he may have "gone the extra mile" and allowed himself to be drawn into all manner of disgusting carnal behavior -- just to be sure he had gotten the right man.

Of course, some wags will suggest that Assemblyman Rible's lifelong preoccupation with hard, dripping penises (and men stroking penises, and men sucking penises, and men pissing and watching each other piss out of their penises, and men's assholes, and men licking and fingering each others' assholes, and men sticking their hard penises in assholes, and men ejaculating all over their fists or hairy bellies, or even into each others slobbering pie holes) stems from some internal, unresolved psychosexual dynamic, and that Rible's desire to punish the very behaviors that fascinates him is both an attempt at personal expiation and soul-destroying exercise in hypocrisy. And when Rible is, as seems entirely possible, discovered in some highway rest stop woods, his knees dirty and his face covered with the jizz of seven truckers, a homeless guy, and a chubby convenience store operator from Asbury Park, some will be quick to point an accusing finger. But Dawn knows that the cop-turned-legislator will be able wipe his face off and argue that he was only conducting research in his efforts to better protect America's rest stop patrons. Why else would he be there?