Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

It's no secret that Dawn spends much time hobnobbing with specialty publishers and ink-world glitterati. With writers and publishing houses all eager for a nod or kind word, advance manuscripts pile up on Dawn's desk. Perusing that pile, Dawn issues the following warning....

Due out from Random House this May is Jim Sullivan's dreadful Boyfriend 101, billed as "a gay guy's guide to dating, romance, and finding true love." Don't believe it.

Dripping with therapy-speak, Sullivan's tome is, in actuality, yet another attempt to emasculate gay men, stripping from them the very qualities that make them appealing. The sexuality that Sullivan claims to embrace is a warmed-over, traditional paradigm wherein sex needs to be redeemed by a "purer" purpose; where the Catholic Church uses procreation as sex's excuse, Sullivan sees sexuality as "mature" only if expressed in the service of a warm and fuzzy relationship.

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Sullivan celebrates what he sees as the increasing ascendancy of "flirting" over "cruising." Cruising, we are told, is "retro," while flirting is "post-gay."

"Cruising, you go to a guy's house to fuck; flirting, to watch Queer as Folk. Cruising, you carry condoms; flirting, you carry a rose. Cruising, you keep emotional distance; flirting, you're approachable. Cruising you grab each other's crotch; flirting, you shake hands. Cruising, you don't care what you wear; flirting is always neat and casual." Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Now, Dawn has nothing against flowers or TV shows or well-pressed slacks, but what makes guys so appealing is precisely that they can have sex without confusing it with love, that they don't demand being bribed with dinners before putting out, that they maintain appropriate psychic distance without having to endlessly process feelings, that they are... guys.

Dawn is well-aware that there will be an enormous market for Sullivan's book, and suspects it may sell briskly, validating as it does the anti-male and anti-gay sentiments so much in vogue at the moment. But any lonely souls expecting that love follows from a lady-like reining-in of masculine sexuality will be disappointed and ill-served-- as so many ladies of various genders have been throughout time.

Dogs, not ladies, make the proper role model for well-grounded guys. Dogs understand, where Sullivan does not, that tail-wagging, indiscriminate, glad-to-meet-you sexuality complements, rather than detracts from, real love and loyalty.