Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

When do the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) and the Illinois Family Institute (IFI, "Upholding marriage and family, life and liberty in the Land of Lincoln") agree? When it comes to condemning the now infamous Snickers Super Bowl ad.

For those Dawn readers who missed the fuss, Mars, makers of the candy bar Snickers, ran an ad on the Super Bowl (a very important game of American football which signals the long-awaited-for end-of-season). In the ad, two burly mechanics share a candy bar, each chomping from opposite ends until their lips-- horror!-- meet. This contact evidently touches a nerve with the pair (both loutish, but not without their earthy charms), as they feel the need to counteract the kiss by doing something "manly." Both, therefore, tear open their shirts and rip out a patch of chest hair. (Jon Stewart aptly observed that removing chest hair was hardly a heterosexuality-confirmer.)

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"Disgusting," said the IFI. "Deplorable," said GLAAD.

Of course, the IFI was complaining about showing a homokiss. GLAAD was complaining about making a homokiss the subject of humor.

Dawn usually has little patience with the anti-humor wing of the gay movement; instead of being seen as "homophobic," couldn't the ad just as easily be read as making fun of macho-obsessed men? And what does GLAAD make of the alternative ending offered (ever-so-briefly) at Snickers.com wherein the kiss ends with a third mechanic entering the frame, asking, "is there room for three on this love boat?"

But the commercial is a little crass. Dawn advises Mars (maker of Snickers) not, though, to abandon the spot (which does, after all, show two burly men kissing). Instead, Mars could completely redeem the commercial by re-cutting to allow inserting a few seconds at the end: as the pair recover from their autodepiliation, one burly man cuts his eyes to the other and coyly asks, "Hey Darryl, you wannanother... Snickers?" Then, fade from the re-snogging diesel bears to any one of four of the candy bar's official slogans (as noted at Snickers.com): Peanutopolis, Nougatocity, Satisfectellent, Substantialiscious-- manufactured marketing terms that brilliantly apply equally well to enjoying calorie-dense snack food or nasty gay sex.

That should quiet GLAAD. As for the IFI, Dawn suggests Mars send them a truckload of Snickers bars; food often mollifies the usually well-nourished anti-sex crowd. A truly Satisfectellent solution!