Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

Thanks to the several readers who sent clips about Adam Hansen, the Mayo Clinic (Arizona) doctor who was canned after snapping a pic of a patient's penis during gall bladder surgery. Seems the doc was so captivated by the anaesthetized man's tattooed willy, "Hot Rod," that he just had to capture the moment with his cell phone camera.

Sensing later that his actions might be deemed, uh, unprofessional, Hansen reportedly called current strip-club owner and ex-gall bladder owner Sean Dubowik to apologize, assuring the recuperating tattooee that the image was deleted "almost immediately" (though, admittedly, not until after sharing it with a few other surgeons). Dubowik professed feeling violated and is, of course, contacting an attorney to see how he might be made, as they say in the law, "whole."

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While Dawn doesn't begrudge Sean the right to sue, it does seem absurd for anyone who has had his penis stenciled with ink-filled needles to assert that having the handiwork photographed is "the most horrible thing I ever went through in my life."

Still, Dawn is sympathetic to Sean's concern about medical confidentiality, especially as it concerns the well-being of one's organ. It wasn't so long ago that Dawn sought emergency medical attention for a most personal injury "down there."

Being animal lovers, Dawn and the boyfriend decided a few years ago to adopt two tiny tabby cat brothers. The rambunctious duo reveled in their new digs, soon treating the apartment as their own. But they still had much to learn....

Dawn liked, at the time, to occasionally enjoy a midnight snack seated at the living-room coffee table, and as Dawn was headed straight to bed, and slept au naturel, these late night repasts were enjoyed in the buff.

One of the new kittens, ever exploring, jumped into Dawn's lap one midnight only to encounter what he, in his juvenile ignorance, evidently perceived as a nesting bald eagle chick. Instinctively, he bit Dawn forcefully right where a kitten bite is least appreciated.

Dawn reacted in precisely the wrong way, leaping up, thereby not only scattering Froot Loops and milk all over the table, but leaving a six-week old kitten dangling by its surprisingly well-developed dentation from an already profusely bleeding penis glans.

Dawn's shriek awakened the boyfriend, who found Dawn at the bathroom sink laving a bruised and bloody dickhead under a stream of cold water. (It remains a blur how the kitten was detached en route to the bathroom.)

After swathing the lacerated member in antibiotic ointment and bandages, Dawn's HMO's Urgent Care was phoned to report a cat bite. Early the next morning, Dawn was summoned in for examination by a matronly Dr. Stafford.

"Where did the cat bite you?" she asked.

"In the living room," was Dawn's reply.

Of course, Dr. Stafford eventually got the whole story, examined the mangled organ, assured Dawn that the four punctures happily did not involve the urethra, and that good blood flow to "that region" would mean a prompt and complete healing process (a wonderfully accurate prognosis, as things turned out).

Throughout, Dr. Stafford exhibited nothing but professional demeanor, but did add after the examination, "I'll respect your confidentiality, of course, but you'll understand that I've got to tell others this story!"

Dawn assured Dr. Stafford that no offense would be taken were she to scratch that irresistible itch.

Perhaps such ethical pre-gossip disclosure would have allowed Dr. Hansen to circulate the pic of his patient's "Hot Rod." After all, the guy evidently wanted attention.