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After extensive study, a Purdue University sociologist, Kenneth Ferraro, has concluded that church-goers tend to be fatter than non-goers. Among the pew potatoes, Southern Baptists were the tubbiest, while non-Christians-- though still relatively fatter-- were the least above average weights.

It has been Dawn's experience that girthy christians don't tend to be the mirthy type. This observation coupled with Ken's study leads to Dawn's Law: preaching against sexual promiscuity is inevitably inversely proportional to preaching against gluttony.

(Of course, the two "vices" are incomparable: gluttony inherently implies excess, whereas promiscuity may simply reflect a kind and generous nature. And before being besieged by letters from fat and fat-friendly readers, rest assured that Dawn appreciates the difference between a full figure reflecting a zestful appetite for food and life, and gluttonous corpulence tattling of a morbidity wherein RingDings are pressed into emotional duties they weren't designed for, creme-filled or not.)