September 2000 Cover
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By
Dawn Ivory
Not usually one to take a keen interest in sports, Dawn does, nonetheless, often feel compelled to tune into men's swimming (and diving) competitions-- athleticism conducted almost in the nude creates a certain synergy
that attracts a larger audience.
Readers can, then, imagine Dawn's crushing disappointment to discover that the aquatic world has been cursed with new "Fastskin" swim suits wherein virtually the entire body is encased in a
supertight synthetic material designed to reduce drag, but which also smooshes even mountainous genitals into rounded molehills.
A Speedo vice president notes another threat on the horizon: his firm has designed an abbreviated boxer-short-style of the genital-obliterating material with an eye toward "young boys who may have
been turned off swimming because of their reluctance to wear a tiny suit in public." Good God! Are we training proud athletes or phallophobic mice?
As with so many things, the Greeks had it right: all Olympic sports (and here Dawn means the real Olympics, not the snow play that occurs in off years) should be conducted in the nude. Can you imagine
what networks would pay for TV rights to those games?
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Dirty Dishes!
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