Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

Dawn is sometimes accused of being unpatriotic. But Dawn recognizes that America is a truly remarkable country. Where else could an illiterate, coke-sniffing, alcoholic, loser partyboy who wants to soak the poor to feed the rich be elected president... without actually winning the election!?!

Of course, Shrub had some help from Poppy and Jeb: family values in action.

Poppy knows a thing or two about getting things done, politically speaking. He knows that letting Negroes vote is a dangerous thing and thus crusaded against civil rights legislation in the 60s. (He also pointed out that Negroes and "Negro-lovers" were communist dupes, using "so-called 'civil rights'" to undermine America's glorious war in Viet Nam). As head of the CIA, he undoubtedly gained valuable experience silencing political opponents with extreme prejudice. As vice-president, he laundered drug money in order to fund a secret illegal war against yet more communist dupes in Central America, traded arms for hostages (having already mastered taking hostages for political gain in the 1980 election), and-- most importantly-- learned how to lie to the American people without blushing. And as president, Shrub's father re-affirmed that there's nothing like killing a few hundred thousand brown-skinned non-christians to get a nice bump in the polls. (He did exhibit poor timing, however, by not initiating the bloodshed closer to an election.)

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Shrub's brother Jeb (the Bush child who can read and write at an adult level) is more enigmatic, but he has certainly arranged Florida election procedures so as to minimize those pesky Negroes (who now can legally vote, despite Poppy's efforts). Dawn is not sure how Jeb got to those Miami/Dade election officials in order to stop them from counting those thousands of irksome superfluous ballots, but suspects that both carrots and sticks were involved. (Dawn imagines that Jeb will have his work cut out for him being re-elected, tho, if democrats in Florida ever get their hands on voting machines that record their votes and ballots that don't redirect democratic votes to the Nazi candidate....)

And Dawn shouldn't overlook Dubya's momma, Barb. She helped drill the young Shrub with flashcards so that he could at least learn the shape of letters and a few "guzzintas" ("four guzzinta twenty five times..."). Perhaps Dick Cheney could suggest to Barb that she continue her tutelage in the Oval Office ("Paris is the capital of....?").