Dirty Dishes	Dirty Dishes Archive

Where would you rather live: Fort Lauderdale or West Hollywood? Both cities have warm weather and their own civic charms, but if you're making your decision based on the quality of municipal leadership, you'll head west.

Fort Lauderdale's mayor Jim Naugle has run afoul of gay folk for his inane comments regarding the installation of a $250,000 auto-cleaning toilet for that burg's beachgoers. His Honor boasted to the South Sun-Sentinel that the high-tech toilet would be equipped with a timer, meaning that the shithouse doors would fly open after a pre-set time limit, thus discouraging "homosexual activity" (not to mention startling the hell out of constipated toilet-goers). Showing a profound grasp of the obvious, Mr. Mayor also blabbed to the Miami Herald, "Sometimes [public toilets] are used for sexual activity-- most of it is men meeting men because it's same-sex people in the bathrooms." (Brilliant analysis, Jim.) Thus, Naugle speculated that the single-occupancy aspect of Fort Lauderdale's new 21st-century outhouse would cut down on homo coupling.

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quality Florida's Brian Winfield took exception to the Mayor's suggestion that gay men might use the crapper (and it is intended as a crapper-- the Atlantic Ocean is at hand for those desperate to pee) as a trysting site. Brian has even organized a creative protest, telling the Miami Herald: "We are encouraging people to mail either a roll or several sheets of toilet paper to the mayor at City Hall [100 N. Andrews Avenue, Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301] to help him to wipe his dirty mind clean."

(Alas, Brian, like so many well-intended gay activists, misses the more fundamental point: why is the Mayor, or anyone else, concerning themselves with what folks are doing in the bathroom? Indeed, more insightful gay activism would question if guys should be allowed to shit in an otherwise tidy t-room, thus stinking up the joint for those popping in for a refreshing wank or blowjob.)

Meanwhile, on the other coast, West Hollywood Mayor John J. Duran, former legal counsel to ACT-UP and American Civil Liberties Union board member, has distinguished himself by penning comments about the legal rights of sex cruisers hassled by the cops. Duran's comments appear on a blog at the popular CruisingForSex.com website.

How thrilled Dawn was to read a gay elected official who actually advocates civil liberties (and understands how corrupt and anti-gay cops so often are); Duran tells CFS: "There is one probable reason a police officer has chosen to talk to you: he wants to arrest you. Perhaps he saw your rainbow flag decal, or thinks you 'look gay.' Maybe he's just bored and curious. Whatever the reason, he has made the decision to accost you. The best you can hope for is to escape unscathed. Think how you would respond to a belligerent drunk: be polite, noncommittal, and disengage as quickly and smoothly as possible. If he presses, ask if you are being detained. This is a legal term of art; you are asking if you are free to leave. If you are not free to leave, you are being subjected to a custodial interrogation: say nothing further and request to speak with your lawyers. If you are free to leave, do so. Do not agree to stay or cooperate; make the officer detain you, if he is inclined to do so...."

Duran continues: "Resist the temptation to cooperate. Be a patriot. Uphold and assert your constitutional rights. Always remember the constitution is not to protect the rights of the majority or the innocent. It is to guarantee the presumption of innocence. The mob doesn't need the constitution-- it already has the numbers, the votes, the pitchforks, and the torches. Reasonable inquiries deserve reasonable responses. You are under no obligation to incriminate yourself."

In these perilous times over-infused with prosecutorial zeal, with government officials reading your e-mail and monitoring your time in the toilet, it is inspiring to see a city led by defense attorney! In a sane country, Duran would be Attorney General.