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Dec '07
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Profiles in Cowardice
By: Dawn Ivory
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Senate endorses torturer for AG |
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Nov '07
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And the Final Flush...
By: Dawn Ivory
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Architect Ricardo Bofill specified that the partitions between urinals, often called "modesty panels," be made of
completely transparent glass, thereby inviting precisely the view the panel
is ostensibly there to blinker. |
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Nov '07
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Whose Loos?
By: Dawn Ivory
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With
all the current brouhaha over t-room sex, would it not make sense for universities (and malls, public buildings, sports stadia, etc.) to offer special bathrooms wherein cruising was explicitly allowed? |
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Nov '07
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In the High Tech Pipeline
By: Dawn Ivory
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How can a spritz of water and a puff of air hope
"to make toilet paper obsolete"? |
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Oct '07
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GOP 'Lunacy'
By: Dawn Ivory
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Go to Boston for your Nobel Prize, come to Missouri for your leg irons... |
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Oct '07
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Crime in Oregon
By: Dawn Ivory
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Spare the registry, spoil the child? |
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Oct '07
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Vive La France
By: Dawn Ivory
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Oct '07
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How Long Do You Rub It In?
By: Dawn Ivory
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A cream for excessive masturbation? |
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Sep '07
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Moon Over Miami
By: Dawn Ivory
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Dawn fashioned a sign asking the other car's occupants to "Show Us Your Dicks." In return, they crafted a
signed reply, "Fags!" |
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Sep '07
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Another Twisted Sister
By: Dawn Ivory
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We are treated to the spectacle of Florida's criminal justice system devoting resources to a case wherein the "crime" is wanting gay sex, and the "defense" is negrophobia. |
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Aug '07
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A Tale of Two Mayors
By: Dawn Ivory
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In these perilous times over-infused with prosecutorial zeal, with government officials reading your e-mail and monitoring your time in the toilet, it is inspiring to see a city led by defense attorney! |
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Aug '07
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New and Improved!
By: Dawn Ivory
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What is that 'hidden valley' taste? |
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Jul '07
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Anti-Gay Hack to Head US Health?
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Does God especially love lesbianism, since with
girl-on-girl action, no penetrating penises are introducing germs or chafing internal membranes, however well-lubricated? |
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Jul '07
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Death and Texas
By: Dawn Ivory
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Sit back and enjoy the section "Victim Witnesses Viewing Executions: The Texas Experience" |
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Jun '07
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PL8TS4U ?
By: Dawn Ivory
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Will "HNDBALLR" be allowed if submitted by an athletic booster, but rejected if from a Leather Daddy? |
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Jun '07
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Mile High Club Bust?
By: Dawn Ivory
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Instead of asking fuss-budgety "other
passengers" to mind their own business, the airline called in
the feds. |
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Jun '07
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Ouch!
By: Dawn Ivory
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Rapex, designed for vaginal insertion, has backward-facing fish-like
teeth designed to dig into any penis entering the protected canal.... |
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Jun '07
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'Appalling!'
By: Dawn Ivory
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His considerable appendage was rising and falling, like those old-style mechanical stop-and-go traffic signals. Soon, all eyes in the cab-- and indeed, most of the block-- were glued to
the smiling, waving, and tumescing exhibitionist.... |
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May '07
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Missed Connections
By: Dawn Ivory
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The toilet security detail ostensibly initiated their patrols of the airport's shithouses in search of luggage thieves who supposedly used the crappers as a safe space to rifle through just-pinched suitcases.... |
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May '07
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Foul Shot?
By: Dawn Ivory
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As she was helped back off the stage by her high-minded sisters, Dawn heard her remark that the world was in need of more
"lesbian ernst." |
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May '07
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In a Hole
By: Dawn Ivory
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Instead of debating that point, the Democratic message should be that the "failure" occurred when the decision was made to mislead the American people into an unnecessary and disastrous
war. Initiating the war was the failure. |
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Apr '07
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When Heather Has 10 Mommies...
By: Dawn Ivory
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Having 10 moms certainly has gay potential, a fact that Mormons themselves well recognize. There exists a schism amongst Mormon polygamists between those who believe a husband can go to bed with more than one
wife at the same time, and those who believe practicing "plural marriage" involves a one-wife-at-a-time codicil, expressly to avoid the lesbianism inherent to beds containing more than one woman at a time. |
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Apr '07
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Pissoirs that Care
By: Dawn Ivory
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Dawn trusts that GLAAD is on the case, forming a task-force to demand the development of male-voiced talking urinal cakes. |
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Apr '07
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Family Values
By: Dawn Ivory
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What would the rationale be for outlawing homo-incest amongst siblings? With the already-dubious objection about inbreeding removed, how can the state claim the need to ban bro-on-bro or sis-on-sis sex? |
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Apr '07
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Cutting Class
By: Dawn Ivory
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Perhaps school officials would do better to focus on their
own grammar skills rather than students' allegedly overly abundant prepuces.... |
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Mar '07
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Mars Butterfingers Pay Day?
By: Dawn Ivory
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Mars, makers of the candy bar Snickers, ran an ad on the Super Bowl (a very important game of American football which signals the long-awaited-for end-of-season). In the ad,
two burly mechanics share a candy bar, each chomping from opposite ends until their lips-- horror!-- meet. |
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Mar '07
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Sic Transit Whoria
By: Dawn Ivory
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Dawn is not shocked that a money-grubbing preacher would so pervert Jesus's
message of love and tolerance in order to enrich himself-- an oft-told story to be filed under "Dog bites man." |
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Feb '07
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Prudery Rules
By: Dawn Ivory
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Mr. Starr's
squeamishness about even mentioning rimming kept him from using his most potent ammo in the attempted
coup d'etat engineered by the Mark Foley types then in Congress. |
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Feb '07
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Prosecuting the Victim
By: Dawn Ivory
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The author of the Denver Post squib that was sent to Dawn noted that the randy tykes' sex was "consensual"-- pleasant, plain-language relief from the usual claptrap about teens
being unable to consent to anything. |
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Feb '07
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Flusheriffic!
By: Dawn Ivory
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To trust Wikipedia, more than half of Japanese households have bidet-style toilets "commonly called 'Washlets'... designed to open the lid when they sense a user nearby, wash the anus
or vulva of the user (including a number of pulsating and massaging functions), dry afterwards with warm air, flush automatically and close the lid after use." |
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